Monday, June 18, 2007

Feeling unequipped...

Some days, I feel so unprepared, unequipped, and lost. This is my reality. I struggle daily with giving my cares to God. I fully realize that my struggles and anxieties are brought on by my own selfishness, not giving them up to my God. I know how it feels to have the peace that comes with laying it down for the Lord. I'm still growing and learning, everyday, how to do this.

One of these struggles I'll post about today. The Lord gave me a task, that, some days, I don't know what He was thinking!! This task is parenting a special needs child. For those of you who don't know our story, our Haitian daughter, adopted three years ago, has significant cognative disabilities, among other diagnosis'. I would not have chosen this for our family, but God had a different answer. We knew nothing about our daughters disabilities until she was home with us, time passed, and recognized something serious was going on. Parenting her has been so challenging some days, stretching me in so many uncomfortable ways!! But through all this, we know our daughter just fits, we love her dearly and cannot imagine life without her. She has the most beautiful face, happy disposition, (most days), and is the most loving child in our whole family. She has grown leaps and bounds in our family, and will reach her greatest potential with us. I cannot explain the emotions that go along with parenting her, only those who have parented a special child, knows what we go through on a daily basis. What everyone else will see, is a child who is happy, full of energy, polite and eager. For those who are reading this and are considering adopting, read, read, read! Everything you can, including getting on email groups and reading others experiences. That has been the greatest resource for us. Now that I know how to parent a "special needs" child, would I "choose" to do it again with another child? No. I would consider a medical needs child though. Through our next adoption, if we received another child like our daughter, would we be disappointed? NOPE! I know that God has controlled all of this. He knows what He's doing. I don't! I love ALL my kids sooooo dearly. I love being their mom. I just have to lay it down, and let God to His work, and pray, pray,pray!!!!!

I hope that this post has not been a downer for some of you. It's the vulnerable truth about our reality. I'm not going to be one to sugar coat things, or tip toe around so others see only the "rosy" things in our life.


amber said...

Wow... I just want to say how much I appreciated the honesty of this post. My husband and I have been praying for several months now about adopting a child with special needs. It is not something that I ever imagined we would do! but God has been so gently nudging us in that direction and blowing away our pre-conceptions about what our life should look like. We can't even imagine how difficult it must be at times... but we also know that God will never lead us down a road without His grace being sufficient.
So, thank you so much for sharing. You are an inspiration and I am looking forward to reading more about your journey!

-Amber G.- (in the process of adopting through AoH also...)

Christina said...

Thank you Amber! You almost had me crying! If you feel God is nudging you, that is awesome! Whatever path you are led to, God will provide!
Yesterday was a hard day, today is a great day!
God Bless